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| Jan 18, I think... |
| 01.18.06 (3:06 pm) [edit] |
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Ever have one of those mornings when you wake up and have no idea what has just been happening to you? Yeah, presumably, sleep was just ‘happening’ but who can be sure? Last night I went to sleep/passed out at about 3:30 am. No drunken idiocy to report, I’m just not particfularly adept at recognizing when I need to go to sleep. So I went into la la land and neglected to turn the television off because I love waking up to the opening credits of ‘Coupling’ at 5 am. I lie occasionally. I woke up and poured myself a big glass of water, slammed it and refilled my glass. I was feeling quite awake but stuck myself back in bed for some more snoozing.
8:30 hits (really close to it) and I snap to in my bed feeling a bit short of breath and really confused. Frequently, while I’m sleeping, my arms go completely numb. Bolt upright in bed with completey numb arms is a bit of a confuser as far as ways to awaken are concerned. Call my old fashioned but I generally sleep lying down. I had the strangest feeling that I’d just come back to my apartment from somewhere else. Toledo, OH, maybe the moon, I have no idea. I stared at the clock for a long time trying to figure out what the numbers and pointy things were trying to tell me. I got the time figured out and then had to begin trying to ascertain the date. I had a strange feeling that I’d just slept through Wednesday. Foggy and still waiting for use of my arms I developed a plan. In three steps I would know what day of the week it was.
Put on glasses.
Find mobile phone and see what date it says.
Look at calendar in checkbook to learn whether or not it’s Wednesday.
I have good news for everyone. It is, in fact Wednesday. I don’t have to go to work for another day yet. Had I not been traveling through the holes in the ozone layer of my soul I would have simply opened my precious little computer and had displayed for me just what I needed to know. The world around me seems as confused as I am today. San Francisco is bright and sunny with drenching downpours every few hours. My favorite internet cafe is off-line so all of us are sitting here working (or in my case, playing) accordingly. A woman just ordered a soy mocha with extra whipped cream. A man wearing a giant, purple patchwork print hat just put it on a wet outdoor chair and thereupon was seated. There is a pigeon walking on the floor indoors in front of me and the owner of this cafe is quietly smiling at it.
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| Zing! |
| 01.17.06 (6:28 pm) [edit] |
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I rather absentmindedly drank a LOT of caffeine today. I was feeling a bit sleepy earlier today thought a soda sounded tasty. I discovered I was rather thirsty and guzzled half of a two liter before I figured out I was going spazzy. Sometimes, Verlaine is a bit of an airhead.
My phone has been irritating me today. It doesn't ring very often during the day here in SF. Today, everyone called me in the same 5 minute period. I'm going out to dinner with a guy who is really bad about promptness. He has called me every 15 minutes for a couple of hours to tell me he's running late. I'm thinking maybe he wouldn't be running so late if he could get his ass off of the phone. He's treating me for dinner so I guess I can put up with it. What's weird is that he hardly ever calls me and today decided to call me up and ask me out without doing his laundry. I only know this because he called and told me he didn't have any clean underwear and so HAD to do laundry. (Nice of him to want clean knickers....) He also called to tell me what train he was planning on taking to the Castro....the wash takes a half hour, the dryer 45 minutes.....wait, it just started to rain, shall we just take a cab. Each of these tidbits was its own phone call. I'm way more organized than most so I need to just shut up, besides,..
I rather absentmindedly drank a LOT of caffeine today.
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| Eggs |
| 01.16.06 (3:26 pm) [edit] |
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I read a book last year called "The Dim Sum of Everything". It was a really good read and shed light on a topic I find confusing. What the hell is the fascination with things and people of Asian heritage?
I thought about asking this question yesterday while having a chat with my manager at work. She's a very professional, extremely well educated woman who is Asian. C was recently hosting an old friend of hers who plays hard into a stereotype that Asian women are giggling, wide eyed idiots. She described how this friend of hers has a way of bugging her eyes all big and blinking ridiculously while giggling when she is trying to attract the attention of a man. Not being attracted to women, I had to stop and think about whether or not I've seen this behavior and I can't believe it passed my awareness. It takes all kinds so I can kind of see that maybe C's friend does this act out of nervousness or is being coy but I can't get past one critical point. Why the hell would a man look at a woman who is acting completely cerebrally embalmed and think, "hey, she's hot!"
Further, then to become obsessed with all Asian women because one thinks stupidity is attractove is just weird. Since C is very rarely laughing unless something is actually funny, she doesn't date very much. In defense of men not hanging onto C she can be intimidating because she's a bit standoff-ish and frighteningly smart. So is the giggle thing about pretending to be stupid so as not to make the man feel insecure?
I know everyone has a type they find ideally attractive, but do people really deny themselves possible romantic situations because of how someone looks or acts. I'm really into men who are taller than I but find myself dating a man a foot shorter and a hundred pounds lighter than me. Oh well!
In "Dim Sum" the author states that there are people who are eggs, white on the outside but yellow inside but that still doesn't explain for me the attraction to ditziness. I can't remember what she called the opposite which are Asians who deny their Asian-ness.
Ok, so I wrote a lot of generalizations based on two people and personality types, I'm aware. I couldn't think of any reason to include more people for examples.
Now I'm thinking about that old song, "I like 'em Big and Stupid"....
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| Home again |
| 01.14.06 (6:11 pm) [edit] |
I tried several times to write something here while I was away. There's only a computer in every room of my parents house but I still couldn't manage to sit still at one long enough to make any sense. I was completely exhausted most of the time I was away. Here's why;
On Friday last I went out with my pal Pedro to celebrate his 40th. We met at a restaurant near my home and I planned on having a drink and a snack. My friend bartends at this restaurant and the price is always right and we can catch up. I think I had three drinks there and somehow I was roped into stopping at another bar on my way up the hill to my apartment. I only had a half a plate of appetizer to eat and was feeling every ounce of the fire water. I'd been sick for a few weeks and haven't really had drinks since Thanksgiving. At 9:50 pm, I walked into my apartment and got my suitcase down and packed. To my drunken credit, I didn't forget anything. I did pack twice as many shirts as I needed, however. I got on my plane at 11:30 and we took off for Chicago. I landed there at 5 am after an all too short 3 hour nap. In my stupor, I walked out of the security checkpoint while looking for a ticketing agent for Southwest so I could acquire my boarding pass. I walked right back through the security checkpoint without bothering to remove my wallet, my shoes, my belt, my 8 oz. of stainless steel earrings, my phone or my keys. Um, OOOPS! While I was being searched, the very handsome wand waver asked if I have any areas of my body that are particularly sensitive to touch. I smirked and made eye contact and we both laughed while I answered, "nothing I can't control". While he waved the wand over me I told him I was basically sleepwalking and mistakenly walked through the checkpoint without emptying my pockets.
I was on the caffeine comet for the next two days. Saturday was dinner with family and Chicaloo and Lynne. I was falling asleep while everyone was talking all around me. I have to say, I found it was oddly comforting snoozing out. I knew I didn't have to be anywhere, I was surrounded by family and friends who were laughing and joking. I slept eight hours that night but needed 10. The next day was shopping with a friend in Ypsilanti and eating yam fries at Sidetrack. Dinner with the family again that night and I stuffed myself to the gills thereby inducing a food coma. We played Bingo after dinner.
The house of Verlaine is a bustling place. My mother and aunts are very quick-witted and conversation is a bit of a verbal wrestling match. Who can say what fast enough and loud enough to make at least two of the other "players" laugh hard enough so as to gain the floor all to themselves for a few seconds. I can't believe how crazy my aunts and mother are. My grandmother was doing this weird cough that made me laugh so hard whenever she did it. She also kept belching very loudly. Since I'm a six year old at heart, body noises make me laugh. I made a couple of emergency trips to the kitchen to chuckle without getting yelled at or kicked for being rude. I snapped out of food coma and went visiting in Ann Arbor that night. I stayed up too late and woke up too early. Monday was my Ann Arbor day which lasted until nearly 4 am. I was up and on the road to Muskegon by 12:15 on Tuesday. I spent the evening with my friend there and we ate greasy yummy coneys with cheese and onions. Still Tuesday, I drove south to Kalamazoo and spent the night with Kandis and my heartburn. We went out to get a drink and stayed up until about dawn. I woke up with a cold and drove home to Detroit stopping only to get tamales for lunch. I spent a lazy day with my parents and Thelma. We had dinner with everyone at home, I think we played Bingo that night too. I won Kleenex which goes very nicely with my cold.
Chicaloo took the afternoon off of work on Thursday and we had lunch and went shopping. I found Earth shoes in my size and bought two pair of them. I LOVE EARTH SHOES! C-Kate and I can just sit around and talk about whatever is in front of us and that made for a wonderful afternoon. I went out that night with my cousin and her girlfriend. We went for a guacamole fix and margaritas. Guac in CA is like a sauce that is mostly poured on food. In Detroit, it's made like a dip with the consistency of chunky sour cream. I can't get enough of it!
I went back for one last night of sitting around the Christmas tree with my parents. It's the simple things for me, family and friends just being ourselves, which made this trip so much fun. There's always a bit of a shock the first couple of days after leaving my hometown. In a city the size of San Francisco, I can be relatively anonymous. In my family circle, I am known. Shopping in Ann Arbor, I run into people I've not seen in two years or more and they give me a discounted price for my shoes or whatever. I recognize people while at the bar and feel compelled by politeness to acknowledge them and strike up some conversation. Frequently, I'm completely at a loss as to what that person's name is and I struggle to think of it before I need to introduce them to someone. Balancing such a hugely social life like that was one of the reasons I wanted to move in the first place. Here, I flirt if I want to, otherwise, I don't really know that many people. I did realize this trip back that I need to plan nine day trips to MI. It is just too tiring to do it in any less time. Two days for travel, 7 with family and friends.
And next time, I'll try to start with good night's sleep. Probably not.
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| Fly |
| 01.06.06 (3:47 pm) [edit] |
Tonight I will try to sleep on an airplane. Weather today was predicted to be rainy and windy. It's bright and sunny with not a cloud in the sky. Yeah, that's close.
At work yesterday a couple of women who are both sharing a room and major PMS came down to the bar for a glass of wine, some nuts and 'the most chocolate you can pile on one plate without committing mortal sin'. Something about them stroked me all the right ways. We told stories about everything and I had one of them spitting wine out of her mouth with laughter. I thought about how lucky they are to be good friends and also co-workers. They have a kind of language which is unique to their friendship.
I ahve a friend like that here in SF and she and I have quite a history. Like many of my closest girlfriends, we once shared a boyfriend. I don't know why that was a continuing trend of my twenty-something years but it was. Since Kristin and I both work in hospitality we celebrated our Christmas together a little late. Last Tuesday, acutally. Kristin bought me a couple of really snazzy shirts and I got her a spa day. I fared better on this exchange because it is highly unlikely that I'll use the shirts in any way that might rip off large patches of hair from my body. So K cooked us sweet potato soup and made homemade mac and cheese. YUM to the 9th power, yo. we watched a couple of movies and told stories while lounging on her bed with the cats. And that's where the problem starts.
Kristing rather recently moved to an apartment with hardwood floors. Her bed in on wheels. Everytime we leaned against the wall, the bed moved away from it. I joked she had better not engage in any strenous activity on that bed or she'll find herself rolling down Potrero Hill and into traffic on Highway101. At some point I was animatedly telling a story, (me? Never!) and I set my arm on a pillow and let my weight go in it. I sank and ended up with my entire upper body disappearing under the double pillow top bed. When my decent had stopped, only my legs were visible and I was laughing so hard I couldn't pull myself up. Now for my favorite part.
My Aunt Connie has a way of laughing where she gets so carried away that not a sound comes from her except for an occasional wheeze and the quiet rolling of tears down her cheeks. Sometimes a minute passes when her face is totally frozen in delight and the only indication that she's laughing is the heaving of her chest. These laughing fits always start with a 'take off' sound that is frighteningly like a jet engine warming up only much, much quieter. The silence is broken by a loud and random noise, whether it be gas, or an huge guffaw. I have inherited this laugh.
Silently I surveyed the underside of Kristin's bed while snorting quietly to myself but I couldn't tell you anything of what I saw there. I could hear Kristin laughing just feet away from me. For me, that is Christmas. Friends and family laughing so hard they can do or think of nothing else. My life is full of these kind of memories and the moments in between them while I patiently wait for more.
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| Dreams |
| 01.03.06 (1:00 pm) [edit] |
I've had some super odd dreams lately. Just before Thanksgiving, I snagged a cold and was blown out sick for about ten days. That went away and was immediately followed by a flu that lasted the better part of a month. As that was winding down, (I thought anyway) I went home from work feeling like hell and found myself to have a temp of 104. And thus started the wacko dreams. The only good thing about the urgent care doctor not treating my fever was that I had weeks of hallucination-like dreams. (eventually, I grew tired of being exhausted and sweating everywhere so I went to another doctor who yelled at me for walking around with a sinus infection. Like I knew? seriously, I had no symptoms except for fever. enter anitbiotics)
One night I was particularly hungry, I think. I dreamt of big juicy cuts of meat being served by my friend, Marc. I thought that was odd because in my dream, the meat would magically separate into bite-sized pieces but I couldn't move my arms to eat them. I looked at Marc with a puzzled expression and he shrugged his shoulder. I blinked and seamlessly I was on an abandoned farm. It was sunny and there was the kind of wind that comes just as a front is passing through and a major thunderstorm is about to happen. I went and sat in the doorway of a barn and looked out over a field of grass that was blowing in soft waves. I could hear and smell everything I looked at. If I looked at a bird, I would hear its song over the rest of the sounds. Same if I looked at the blowing grass, its rustle would come to the center speaker. I woke up as the storm hit and there was in fact a storm here. We even had thunder and lightening. A boyfriend was next to me and when I looked at him, I could see he was awake. He said he'd just had a dream about playing a really discordant symphony and a timpani fell over.
Another night, I was walking on the beach on a cloudy day. I ran into my friend Kristin's sister Chelle. Chelle, in real life is always throwing out unsolicited health care advice. Her biggest gripe with me is my inability to wear sunscreen which she interprets as an unwillingness. Sunscreen burns my skin wherever I shave, especially. Since I shave my head, hmmm, sunscreen isn't much fun for me. Hats, hats, and hats are the way to go. So in the dream, Chelle was carrying a package that I thought at first might be her daughter. Instead it was an inflatable raft and she gave it to me saying that I needed to leave here but I should go under the boat to avoid the ultraviolet light that would burn me even through the clouds. I blew up the raft with super-human lung power (love dreams for that!) and with it walked out into the ocean. The water felt cold and smelled strongly of seaweed. I turned the raft upside down and found a sort of harness in which I could suspend myself. I was not able to see anything except what was below me in the water. The boat began to move against the waves and I relaxed and watched fish, sharks, plant life and bubbles all pass below me. After what seemed like a long time, I questioned to myself where I was going. Almost instantly, I was on land a few blocks from my apartment. The hill I live on was surrounded by water. It was raining, I felt cold and there was a window floating in front of me. I woke up already sitting up in bed and my eyes were open. I was looking at the open window in my apartment. I closed it and jotted down this dream before falling back asleep.
Now I'm not feverish anymore and my dreams are very plain again and I suppose that's ok by me.
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| Forever is a long time |
| 01.02.06 (8:30 pm) [edit] |
i've been away from here for quite a while. Sorry all, but I grew bored of the whole blog thing for a bit. Now that the weather is crappier I'm a bit more motivated to hang out indoors reading all this.
Just a quick note, I'm goin' a visitin' this week to Detroit. It's time to have some belated holiday cheer. Unlike most people, I look forward to a fun holiday party without any alcohol or drunk people. My family is not much for the sauce, I can take it or leave it, but I can always leave drunk talk alone. I had some odd idea that working in a five star this NYE would be kinda fun. It's just the same stuff but the guests are wearing more expensive clothing.
A lovely lady, (read, some bimbo) was strutting around wearing a very short and small dress. Wardrobe malfunction is a ridiculous statement in this instance because her 'wardrobe' had not a chance of functioning properly. Whether Bimbo-rella was huffing oxygen at the oxygen bar, ordering champagne, or trying to pick up any single-ish looking guy in the hotel, at least one of her breasts was hanging out and a good portion of her ass. At a certain point in the evening, we noticed that she was having a bit of a snag in disguising her feminine hygiene product. It was as though she was a walking dental floss dispenser.
A man from Hawaii was talking about all the drugs he did before he got married and how happy he is that that part of his life is over. He offered me a bottle of champagne to share with him when I was done with work adding that, after all, his wife was already sleeping. I told him I was going to an AA meeting after work and he disappeared to his room. Maybe he jumped out a window.
A couple of young guys were play wrestling on the concrete in front of the main entrance to the hotel when one of them decided to lift and then slam the other into the ground. An ambulance came and took away both 'victims' not before a very large pool of blood had covered the sidewalk and was tracked into the hotel.
A large family of rather rustic looking folks came to the bar at about 7 and started drinking margaritas. One of the women from the group came up to the bar to tell me she was tired of drinking margs but didn't know what to drink. She ordered a Long Island Iced Tea and a Blow Job shot (really tasty, but vulgarly named, with Bailey's, Amaretto, and Kahlua and not a good mix with citrusy drinks) Her family stayed until 11:30 and then went to the fireworks nearby. They returned and snuggled into one of our corner tables just in time for Sister Margarita to barf her Blow Job all over Long Island. I hated them all instantly. I wanted them to asphyxiate on the daughter's barf when they insulted me because I wouldn't serve anyone from that party any more.
Anyway, when I get back from MI, I need to find a new larger apartment. I hate the trials of moving. I love the hills in this city but why the fuck did I buy an entertainment center with wheels!?? I almost lost that thing down Nob Hill when I moved into this apartment. OY!
Happy New Year!
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