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| 25 Don'ts for restaurant/bar goers |
| 05.30.05 (3:07 pm) [edit] |
1. Don't walk up to a bartender, announce how drunk you are and then order a double shot of anything.
2. Don't let your toddler run loose and eat off of other people's plates.
3. Don't try to order alcohol when you have the hiccups and slurred speach
4. Don't ask the server if they love serving you.
5. Don't tell the server you love them, unless you well acquainted with them.
6. Don't be the loudest voice in the room.
7. Don't talk about your medical history with the person sitting next to you.
8. Don't assume that the server is powerless to refuse you anything.
9. Don't buy a round for the entire bar and then leave a bad tip.
10.Don't whistle to get anyone's attention.
11.Don't let your child throw food.
12.Don't put your chewed gum on the table.
13.Don't leave without paying your tab.
14.Don't beg for another drink after last call has been given. (especially if you failed to tip above 2% for your last bill )
15.Don't neglect your child by allowing them to wander behind the bar and then suggest that the bartender is a great babysitter. He's only being polite and trying to work. Bars are not day care centers.
16.Don't get angry about everything because you didn't feed yourself all day long and are cranky. This is not your servers' fault.
17.Don't order food and then say that you didn't, proceed to eat it and then demand that it be removed from the tab.
18.Don't flash your breast at an obviously gay man in hopes of getting served after the bar is closed.
19.Don't beg for anything.
20.Don't say, "What's good today?" to someone you've never met and then make the "grossed out face" at every suggestion given and then order a $75 scotch with a splash of ginger.
21.Don't ignore your server when they are at your table and then walk up to the bar and say you've been neglected.
22.Don't stuff food in your mouth and then start a conversation with the bartender and talk with your mouth full.
23.Don't assume that the bartender is stupid.
24.Don't have a fight with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfrie nd at the bar, or in a restaurant. It embarrasses everyone around you.
25.Don't set things on fire on your table.
All of the above happened in the last three days I worked. I know most people don't behave so badly, but I had to vent before I go in for another day of it.
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| And then I got sick |
| 05.28.05 (1:25 pm) [edit] |
Perhaps it was because I was sleeping 5 hours a night and running myself ragged with work or play for the last week and a half, but my "little bit scratchy throat/probably just allergies" turned into a fever on Tuesday and flattened me.
I thought I was just tired ignored my symptoms andwent out for lunch by myself and read something. (have no clue what, really) After eating I walked for an hour and watched the fog come onto the bay. Then, I started shivering.
I know that a certain friend of mine, (*ahem,lynne*) once was so sick with a high fever that she forgot to take any aspirin so I'm not feeling too alone in my idiocy. Instead of walking to the bus stop, I walked over two of the city's steepest hills and went to the video store and rented "Tales". Once home, I sat on my bed and covered up in two blankets but could not shake the chill. Two hours of shivering later I touched my neck and realized that my glands were HUGE!.
In the land of the medicine cabinet, I found my thermometer, (101) my acetominophen, and a spare course of antibiotics. (I was a boy scout, Be Prepared!....or in this case, cover your ass because 'I Be Stupid' and sat in the cold all day with a fever. Duh!)
I had to call off work, which is terribly embarrassing to me. I always show up and fake it when I'm ill, but I was still fevery and trembling too much to go shaking any martinis with any accuracy.
A half gallon of juice, four gallons of water, 36 aceto's, 1500 mg of azithro 36 of 48 hours spent sleeping and I feel like my rockstar self again. Good thing, too. One of my co-bartenders was seriously injured yesterday and I have to work a lot of extra shifts in the next couple of weeks. Sparing gorey details, one should always remember to polish a glass with the outside of their hand, not the inside.
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| Sloth |
| 05.24.05 (3:12 pm) [edit] |
It's a good thing I don't believe in sin because I was at it to scorch a man right off a cross the last couple of days. I woke up in North Beach yesterday morning after having spent the night at a friend's place. The view was incredible and I decided to hang out in that part of town and be by the water all day. Fun choice.
I got coffee at a fave cafe and ate one of their fantastic breakfast burritos (at 1 pm....) I walked down to the grassy area by aquatic park slept in the sun. (Warning! If you fall asleep in the sun, do not put your arms over your head. Sunburned armpits are a cruel torture I would wish on my worst enemy only, or the Dubleya.) I did a lot of people watching for the rest of the afternoon and had a fantastic time bouncing around from place to place. I was in a flirtatious mood and kept getting myself into conversations with so many fun people. One of the things I love about living here is that people plan on visiting SF as a vacation and they're in VayCay mode when I find them sitting in a pub slurping down a bit of the Irish.
A very arguementative couple of men from Spain had me laughing my ass off both at their bad use of Spanglish and by their mannerisms and imitation of me. It's flattering to be mocked if you know it's for fun, as in a roast, I suppose.
An English couple was celebrating their 37th anniversary and was off to visit family in Ontario, Canada very near to where my Grandmother had a cottage. The woman of that couple had a big smile and a huge laugh that reminded me of waves crashing on the beach. We talked for an hour or so and just enjoyed being silly. There was no point to any of what we had to say other than just enjoying each other's humor. I love wry, dry wit especially when it's mixed with a refined London accent.
I met up with K in the Mission and we did our usual Monday night 500 Club trip. It was a late night and I had to share a cab home with the bartender because I'd missed the last train back to my neighborhood. He is so nice and even paid for the trip. Score! Kinda funny, however, because my friend has a big crush on him and I felt selfish to send her off in a cab and then get in another one with the object of her lust. One of these days those two will get together.
Just a babble here,
Anybody read, "A Confederacy of Dunces" recently? Laugh out loud funny, that book is. I've got about an hour left to finish it so I'm dumping you in tblog world for the grand finale.
I have to swing by the car rental place again. Zac and I are going to head up north of the bay tomorrow, I'm having a hard time finding a convertible available anywhere. It's 75 degrees and stiill with no fog for the next week or so. Me and my three toes are gonna make the most of it while I can. A hard top will not due. What else are days off for?
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| Rain or shine |
| 05.19.05 (3:17 pm) [edit] |
Again with the damn rain around here! I have a dry day today, but I spent all of yesterday wet and on an adventure.
I drove Kimberly and Zac to Bodega Bay where we pigged out on fish and chips and then I made them car sick by driving on HWY 1. I tried really hard to make it a smooth trip, but switchbacks are switchbacks, ya know. Kim was laying down in the back seat with her head in a bag. (just in case!)
The storm that brought another couple of inches of rain to the area made the waves spectacular at the beach. I decided to ignore the rain and went for a walk on the beach with Zac. In a way, I think it was more beautiful than if it had just been sunny and windy. It was relatively still and once you're soaked, it doesn't matter anymore.
I bought some new running shoes that are silver and blue. I think they make my feet look like Christmas ornaments, but they feel soooooo good!
I decided to return the car last night and not fight with trying to find a parking place again. Good choice on so many levels. Getting on the elevator to go up to find my rental contract, a man and a woman got out and he was on crutches. Not so strange. Getting on the same elevator to go out of the building, four transexuals, one of whom was leg-less and in a wheelchair, greeted Zac and I with, "Come on in honey, we don't bite." I know that Zac and I did a very obvious double take and looked at each other, looked at Queen Stumpy, back at each other again and boarded. It was an elevator full of big shoes, big boobs, and a couple of speechless dorks. After we got out I had to hold on to Zac so we could get far enough away so I could laugh without being heard. Amazing.
It's a good thing I didn't have to use that elevator again, who knows what I would have encountered.
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| Eileen |
| 05.18.05 (12:33 am) [edit] |
Superstar me, I rented a convertible today. It began to rain about four hours after I drove it from the lot. Oh well. It's kinda swank for a Sebring. Kimberly and I have dubbed it the, "FauxMaro", as in Fake Camaro. It looks very Chevy but is quite big and hard to park. I'm very adept at parallel parking, thanks to my father and his love of 21 foot long cars, but I've never felt so blind in a car as I do in this one. I cannot tell where the end of the car is as regards the wheelbase.
Basic formula for parallel parking is quite simple. Stand on the outside of your car and look at the wheels and stick a piece of tape in the exact middle of the wheel's span on each side of the car. When you finally find a spot to park, (as is the case in SF) pull up to the car in front of the spot in which you wish to park, shift into reverse and when that piece of tape is at the rear bumper of the car you pulled up next to, crank the wheel all the way to swing the nose of the car into traffic. (sometimes this is right, sometimes left.) At this point you should crank the wheel all the way in the other direction so the nose of the car comes into the parking spot. Without fail, this formula works. You just have to know where the end of the car is in relation to the center of the wheelbase. However...
She ain't got the junk in the trunk, that can make this Sebring bump...
They ain't got the soul like I do (rented)
The Chrysler Sebring convertible has the biggest blind spots I've ever dealt with in a car and it's got one helluva big ASS!!!
I learned to park on a '76 Gran Torino and it was easily four feet longer than this car and I could park it confidently.
Why Eileen? My wonderful friend, Lynne, of "The Lynne Show", has a mother who has always had a Chrysler convertible. I met Lynne in 1988, and that's a lot of years of convertibles. The LeBaron wasn't such a beast to drive, I'm told, but Lynne agrees; the Sebring is a beast.
And it looks like a wannabe Camaro!
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| Rating |
| 05.17.05 (12:34 am) [edit] |
I wrote a bit bitching about our evaluation system at the hotel a while ago.
So......
last week, we were evaluated again and this time by the coporate evaluation company, an independant group hired to observe the workings of the hotel and give us feedback.
We scored the highest of any of the same brand of my hotel in the world.
98th percentile.
It's good to be good.
Verlaine loves to be on top!
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| Cheesecake |
| 05.16.05 (11:53 am) [edit] |
I'm standing on top of Macy's at the Cheesecake Factory in Union Sq. waiting for an outdoor table. My friend, Kimberly, is here from MI and I'm using her as an excuse to come up here, enjoy the sunshine, and eat avocado eggrolls and cheesecake like a decadent sloth.
Fear not, dear readers, I have an appointment to get dsl in the next two weeks.
oooh! my table is ready!
V.
Edit version...
Now I'm seated, drinking a coffee and being attacked by fucking pigeons! Ack!
The fog is coming in realy thick today and from here we'll take the bus to the Golden Gate Bridge and go for a walk.
Hell, it's so damn gorgeous out, I might just stop at the rental car place and snag a convertible. Hertz has the new Mustang convertibles available now. That is one puuuurrrteee car, that thar Mustang.
I miss blogging every day as my wind-down/wind-up.....I do go to bed much earlier these days because I'm not always banging away at this here computer reading all y'all's blogs......
Kimberly just got here so away I go!
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| LYC |
| 05.11.05 (4:38 pm) [edit] |
I just saw a yellow Ford Focus just like the one I used to own. It seems that this one is in much better shape than mine which is probably crumpled up into a ball in a junk yard now. It seems that running into a Volvo with a Focus causes a collapse of Focus. I wrote a funny email to friends about the accident when it happened. I was driving with my friend, the cellist, when I was in the car accident and he still refers to me as a good driver in spite of me nearly killing him. Ain't that nice?
The Focus was not exactly a good car to me and so I don't miss it. I think I look much more stylish in a convertible anyway
I have a quirky way of making up songs about stuff, sort of in the style of Weird Al...whatever is his last name. I was just reading the email I wrote and think it bears a bit of a repeat. Also, I just lost my motivation to write due in part to a VERY CUTE guy who just sat next to me and started talking about computers....he obviously wants my attention.
Here it is....and here I go (oh, LYC is what my cousin nicknamed my car, Little Yellow Car)
**Per my usual, your'e in for a wacko update of my not so uneventful life. Also, per my usual, I'm trying to spin this into a tale that will be enlightening and entertaining. This week, I did not see Danielle Steele's warped face, but I did serve a lot of brisket, mac and cheese, wedge salads and meatloaf and I got seriously mentally warped (shut up, Dennis) when I was in a car accident.
I was still sitting by the side of the road after the accident when I realized that I could put this little episode to the tune of Janis Joplin's 'Me and Bobby McGee', proof that I'm in need of some seriouis psychiatric evaluation or at least that I needed to listen to some better cd's. Some of you were around the first time I did this sort of thing when I re-wrote 'the night before x-mas' to fit the goings on about the pub and, in particular, the misadventures of a capybara (or eight to be more exact). If anyone still has a copy of that, please send it to me via email. I'd like to resave it and use it at a later date for a book of Garyisms I'm compiling. Without further ado.....
Me and LYC
Busted flat in San Fran, Cal, driving with my boyfriend
I's feeling like living's such a strain
LY plowed a Volvo down right at that day's end
Poor LYC was blown to smithereens
My windshield, it shattered, my bumper lay on the ground
My fenders each just hung on by a screw
Airbag explosions lost in time, relieved I wasn't killed by mine
The Volvo it still looked like showroom new.
LY's just another car that was never worth a pooh!
Never, I mean never, LY could I trust you!
LY's constant recall notes, pained me to my shoes
I get a feelin' some cars just weren't meant to be
I think its true to say that of LYC.
From the Briarwood Ford car lot, to the California sun
LY failed me at least twice a year.
Once in a Detroit ghetto, where no tow truck would come
LY that night had me walking in fear
On Noriega and Sunset, yeah baby, that Volvo made my day
Impact destroyed my LY and 4 people survived
but no promise for tomorrow can my opinion sway
I'm glad LY's dead but I still breathe today. Hey, Hey!
LY's just another car that was never worth a pooh!
Never, I mean NEVER, LY could I trust you!
LY's constant recall notes, pained me to my shoes
I get a feelin' some cars just weren't meant to be.
I think its true to say that of LYC
La la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la,
la la la la la LYC!
(you all know the la la na na part, just interject LY and LYC as appropriate)
Lord I'm calling Progressive, my insurance man
Tomorrow I'll be holding a check for several grand
Who cares about LY, who cares about the LYC, yeah
Lordy, lousy, yellow, little, crushed, LY's tires were the only plus
Hey, Hey, Hey, L Y C!!!!!! Lord!
There you have it, I'm seriously weird but that's what I was thinking of as I waiting for the tow truck to haul the pieces of my car away.
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| Found more Free |
| 05.09.05 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
Hey all,
I just discovered that I can use WiFi on Union Sq. here in SF. Who knew. Necessity and frugality are the mother's of discovery.
Weird day the other day, I was sitting outside a restaurant reading when a woman came and sat next to me. She looked a bit drunk and was very forthcoming with her life story. She told me that she's from Indianapolis, one of her fillings just came free of her tooth a couple of days ago and that she's been on Vicodin and drinking since six am when she boarded the airplane bound for SF.
I decided that I might find humor in her story so I put my book down and related my story of an abcessed tooth and thte subsequent treatment. This got her started and I found out all kinds of amazing things about her.
Not only was she drugged and drunk, but she is travelling with her brother who wanted to come out here to see some hippy jam band play. She told me that she was planning on camping in wine country in the next couple of days, she likes to ride roller coasters.....that sort of dumb stuff. It was Mother's day the next day and she let out a big sigh and said, "I gave a baby up for adoption 4 years ago."
Um, ok. I couldn't really think of anything to say back to that so I said, "what a brave choice you made", and she agreed with me.
Not really much of a point to the story, I just thought it was so strange that she would volunteer that out of the blue. It is very common for me to get roped into conversations by people sitting near me but it's usually me who says powerful statements, and I do it just for the effect of making the other person uncomfortable/my own enjoyment.
Does this happen to anyone else?
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| Update on Verlaine |
| 05.09.05 (3:48 am) [edit] |
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Chicalookate here... Verlaine would like to apologize for the delay in posting, but she has been kidnapped by a gang of Asian Women who wear too much makeup who are forcing her to sing Neil Diamond songs for them. She wants everyone to she is doing fine, but that they haven't let her access the internet. She is eating well though.
Actually, she is going to have to give in and get a phone line since the WiFi she was hitching a ride on is no longer available and she has to find an alternate method of getting online. She has not been fired. Or kidnapped.
k
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